Posts by Coffee House Girl

78

Brand New: Currently Totally Devastated

by daringhart13 in

jw
friends

i'm brand new to the board.

long time, "big shot" elder, ....taught at km school, conventions, etc.

yeah, i know it means nothing....but it gives you an idea of how deep i've been a jw.. i don't even really know what to write at this point.

Coffee House Girl

Welcome daringheart

I was never an elder, but I was raised in the truth, was active for all that time, and left after 30 years- that was just seven months ago-

you're right it is surreal and overwhelming, you may spend many nights crying. I am much better now after seven months, but things will hit me once in a while. I hope you have some support on the outside, family, co workers, some human face to face interaction. If not, I recommend seeing a therapist if you can afford it- you have many feelings to get out and sort out rationally.

This forum is also very helpful, keep reading, keep posting- I wish peace for you...

CHG

38

I'm new and wanted to introduce myself

by MarkedFragile in

jw
friends

hello everyone.. i'm new to this forum.

i left the organization several months ago, and am on a new path now.

though i didn't grow up in the organization, i have basically lived a life of pretending to be something i'm not, sheltering my feelings from everyone, and not feeling "enough" to anyone.

Coffee House Girl

Marked Fragile,

Welcome, you are amongst people who understand exactly what you are saying, I have found true friendships outside of the borg. But my new friends can only grieve with me, they cannot understand what I am going through-people here do.

Outside I have found love and caring on a level I never thought possible since I was raised inside the organization- in jdub land I only understood fear, distrust, and a hierarchy I could never be a part of.

Keep posting, keep growing!

CHG

20

How's this for Progress?

by cantleave in

last year i gave the memorial talk, this year for the first time in my entire life i won't even be going.. i guess that missing the memorial will definitely put us on the elder's radar, so i am expecting the elders to be concerned an interrogation.

.

i was going to use the excuse that i will be in a different part of country, but i won't be and i will be at work with at least 3 other jw's in a neighbouring congregation.. .

Coffee House Girl

You have gone through many changes this year, I have been reading you and nugget's posts since finding this site & I can relate, as I am not going (1st time for me too, my life is unrecognizable from this time last year)

I am hoping to feel a release when tuesday is over, I had a JW friend text me to see if I am going (said sorry, but no), got my first invite tucked under my door (didn't have the guts to knock) & threw it away, and my mom reminded me what time the East Side Cong is having theirs (I gave no response to, my decision to leave the borg has hurt her so much I just dont know what to say anymore).

I will go to work as usual, go for my after-work run as usual, and have a nice cold tenants with my bf- it will be a great tuesday.

Best wishes to you both,

CHG

29

JW sister told my newly widowed mom that it would "look bad"if

by aquagirl in

if i took her to the memorial this year.im df'd for years,but out of love and respect for my parents i always gave them this one night.my mum dosent drive.i was going to drive her and sit by her.i promised my dad that i would always do this for him.he was pretty cool,even tho he was an elder.my "devout" sister {who has never lifted a finger to help my parents}told her yesterday that it "wouldnt look good" for me to show up w/my mum,altho everyone knows that i have done everything for my parents,both before my dad died in december and since.

is my sister just jealous that i have a fabulous life,am beautiful,rich,a guitar god,have excellent cool hair, xray vision,can communicate with aliens and have supernatural abilities?

or is she just mean?lol..btw,i am going.and im taking my mum and we are going to sit in the front row,and yes,im gonna wear velvet.....

Coffee House Girl

Lol, I only wish I had cool hair...

Yea, the cong. I attended had a big problem with D'Fd people sitting right next to JW family members, even for the memorial. They think you should duitifully sit in the back row, in the corner, isolated, with a sad repentful look on your face, and avoid ALL eye contact!!! (that goes for even the rich guitar gods with xray vision)

I'm glad you are going anyway and support your mom in the front row-

can I borrow your velvet??

49

The Beard Starts TODAY

by Mad Sweeney in

jw
friends

it was only this past weekend that i finally stated (both aloud and in print) that i would never attend another meeting again.

like many brothers before me, i have decided to symbolize this new dedication to freedom for myself and my family with a beard..

Coffee House Girl

Congrats to you, just in time for the memorial Please continue to post your experiences, I love beards too! Can't grow a good one myself due to the fact I have too many of those female hormones, dammit....

35

I'm new here

by Diamonds in

i stumbled across this website a few months back and have often read the topics posted but this is the first time that i've posted anything myself.. all my family are jws - i got baptized when i was 17 but started to fade when i was about 20 and finally left at 22 when i managed to escape to university and move away from home.

ten years on and i am still out of the org but never disfellowshipped (although i would have been if they'd have known what i've been up to!).

the relationship with my family is not great - i get on with some members better than others.

Coffee House Girl

Welcome!

I am relatively new here too, was in the borg for 30 years and now out for 7 months- I am just settling into my new lifestyle. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of living far away from family and cong.- People do catch my boyfriend and I out in public together, which adds much stress to ordinary things like eating out or going to a movie.

I can relate to meeting new people and telling them about my religious past-

I enrolled in a university, and I wrote an informative essay about cultism. Last week it was due, and the professor asked the class which essay topic the class wanted to hear out loud. Unanimous vote, they wanted to hear mine.... my heart started pounding (just like at the meetings when I was pressured to comment). I got through reading it & the class asked so many questions about my experiences, an hours worth!! I was suprised how readily they accepted me and thanked me for sharing, I felt a release after sharing

So don't be afraid to open yourself up, you never know where support could come from :)

keep posting!

15

Letter to Mom

by Coffee House Girl in

just in case there are any faders that need help breaking the news:.

i am posting this letter i left with my mother after i explained to her in person that i no longer wanted to be "in the truth".

you are not to blame, you cant make choices for me any more, only i can.. .

Coffee House Girl

I thank everyone for their responces, I wrestled with "what to say" to my family for many agonizing months & did a slow "scheduled" fade for three months prior to this letter; & then quit cold turkey after comming out to everyone about leaving the borg.

It was my hope to give those of you who are also wrestling with getting out & wanting to express the right things to your loved ones. I was afraid the right words would not come out of my mouth, so in written form, I could say what I wanted without interruption & my mom could read the letter again and again to reflect on my feelings without twisting them around.

So thanks & good luck faders :)

15

Letter to Mom

by Coffee House Girl in

just in case there are any faders that need help breaking the news:.

i am posting this letter i left with my mother after i explained to her in person that i no longer wanted to be "in the truth".

you are not to blame, you cant make choices for me any more, only i can.. .

Coffee House Girl

Just in case there are any faders that need help breaking the news:

I am posting this letter I left with my mother after I explained to her in person that I no longer wanted to be "in the truth". This was the hardest thing I have ever done & I was crushed that I hurt her so badly. I needed to leave, and I hope that she understands one day. She never responded to this letter, but still it was very therapeutic to write :)

Aug 2009 to mom:

I know you may not be happy with my life choices today.

I wish I could shield you from any pain- wish I could remain the kind of person you want me to be, and be proud of me. But I have chosen to not taking the course to be proud of. I’m making what feels like a selfish way out.

I don’t hold out false hopes right now- things like faith and hope are absent in me now, they left me almost five years ago (maybe even earlier than that). Please understand and believe its not your fault . I know you will still blame yourself anyway. Many people will feel they should've done more- but don’t torture yourself.

I am old enough to know better and I am able to make my own decisions. I am claiming my life as my own and not considering this time if it will make everyone else happy. Maybe I will rediscover faith and hope along the way, that’s an unknown and who knows what may happen? I feel have to take the risk in order to live my own life to it fullest.

I just cant live like a shell, or a ghost of a person anymore. I feel alive for the first time in about a decade now. I wish so much that I could share that part of my life with you.

Right now I see that you are so unhappy. I look back over your 70 years and gasp, you made so many sacrifices for your faith and what has it gotten you??? I know you are waiting for the new system to be happy, but at what cost????

My God! I just can’t keep doing it any more. The sorrow I feel inside by trying to sustain what you want me to be is to immense. I feel I have to be a whole person and not someone else’s perfect little girl. I tire of all the questions. Now the true girl can be seen without doubts of her intentions. I’ve let myself down for too long.

Please remember this is a choice I’ve made by myself, for myself. You are not to blame, you can’t make choices for me any more, only I can.

I love you mom and dad and will always be here for you when you need me. I cannot remove myself from being your daughter. That will always be a part of me.

36

Just out and so happy!

by ange2.0 in

i have just gotten out and am free at last!

my brother did so a few years ago and has been such an amazing help to me these last few weeks.

i was raised a jw, disfellowshipped when i was 17, married a non believer and then dragged back in by my family.

Coffee House Girl

I am a newbee too & it is such a relief when the hard part of breaking the news is over! Flipper is right, hard times will come & I am happy you have family on the outside to talk to who knows exactly what you are going through :)

A toast to your new journey, good luck!

26

How do you handle JW encounters?

by Girlie in

jw
friends

so this past saturday, i stopped over at my parents' home to take care of some business.

as my brother dropped me off in front of the house, lo and behold, the witnesses from my previous congregation were parked right in front of my parents' home.

damn..... they were in a car group working a frequent rv who lives next door to my folks.

Coffee House Girl

I am also pretty new to the "jdub sightings"- I have been fading for over six months now and I live in a small enough community that encounters do happen more than I would like. I look them straight in the eye, smile, and say Hi- and then I move on without hesitation. I usually get a stunned "Hi" back, and the look on their faces is like they have just been goosed. One sister's face turned such a pale white, I remember what that was like when the shoe was on the other foot so I try not to get too upset. I do have one friend still in the borg who texts me, I just tell him how I am doing really great & he responds the same and we text in circles for an hour without revealing anything :)

Find yourself a "broken record" answer and stick to it! say, I am doing great- thanks for asking! if there are any probing questions just say "I dont want to talk about that now" and stick to your guns, you don't have to reveal anything you don't want to- it is your private life :)

Peace be with you :)